I didn't think you could possibly feel the same way. I adored you, utterly and without reservation. If I'd had more confidence you felt the same, I probably would've said those words without hesitation and hurled myself headlong into the thing I had worked so very hard to avoid. Men who are ready don't date women who advertise themselves by saying, 'Calm down, I'm not gonna fall in love with you.' But then again, I don't think either of us thought we were going to find something worthy of being ready for, so of course we did.įor what it's worth, to me you were always a f*ck yes.

Truth be told, you weren't ready for it, either. In hindsight, I wasn't ready for you, for love, for being vulnerable to the point of panic. I imagine you felt like you had asked explicitly but to me, your ask sounded like a warning shot I'd heard before. I was waiting for irrefutable proof that you chose me - for you to spell it out or bring me fully into your world. As easy as it was falling into you, it also terrified me, stoking anxieties and deep-seated insecurities I'd long buried. You made me realize I wanted that with you.įor innumerable reasons, I didn't know how to say it. You made me want to entwine, to lace my fingers with and lay my head against someone tangible and steadfast, instead of someone fungible and fleeting. You made me realize I didn't want to wrap myself around phantoms and ephemera anymore. You made me start to believe in possibilities I'd entirely closed myself off to, as you would carefully suggest that you might want them yourself.

THE ONE THAT I LET GO by Jeanne Durana